The road to awareness is paved by good intentions and it’s a slippery slope. Once I began to bring awareness to a part of my experience, I began to bring awareness to other parts of my experience by accident.
I started my journey inward toward greater awareness in earnest with yoga teacher training. I learned to pay attention while following instructions. I was asked consistently to answer, “how am I doing?” It wasn’t easy then, and it isn’t easy now… not by a long shot!
Sometimes I feel like I have to sneak up on myself, so I don’t have time to put on a mask and try to deceive myself into thinking I’m experiencing something different.
Reading that sentence back to myself, I’m “hearing” it for the first time. It feels like I’m at least two different selves and they seem to have different goals. One is simply experiencing. One is processing and presenting. Are they the same self? I think so, but it certainly doesn’t feel like they are.
I feel you, Descartes. It doesn’t feel like I am a unified, singular self. It feels like I have different parts that compete and argue. But I don’t think the Cartesian split of mind-body dualism has done us any favors. With any division, we (humans) seem to take sides and prioritize one side over another. Perhaps a product of our society, perhaps a product of “human nature,” that’s a question for another day.