In our society, we strive for the biggest, most visible gains; we look for and celebrate the “zero to hero.” It seems only natural to think that the most effective way to improve is to look for the biggest weaknesses we can find and “fix” that.
While this works in theory, there’s little consideration for the mental and emotional toll that approach has. It teaches us to look for weakness and not strength. It teaches us to always look forward at the goal, and not where we are or where we have been. It teaches us that pain is progress (“no pain, no gain”). This has been my way of working towards goals and I am burnt out.
I am gentler and kinder with my friends: I see their strengths and their beauty, but rarely my own. Most of us do the same with our friends. Perhaps it’s time to treat ourselves just as well.
Come as you are, love where you are, because it’s unique, beautiful, and full of possibility.
On a related note, there’s no such thing as starting over. No matter how much we wish things hadn’t happened in a certain way or how much we deny our weaknesses or our traumatic experiences, our past will always be our past.
There are some things that change us forever.
For example, my parents didn’t sign me up for gymnastics as a child… so I’m never going to be an Olympic gymnast now. No matter how much I wish I’d been able to take gymnastics as a child, my past is my past. To deny that and still dream of an Olympic medal as a gymnast would be silly. I can, however, still strive to move powerfully, with control and grace.
We all start right where we are and as hard as it might be to accept, with a past that limits the paths we can take. There’s no blank slate and no new beginning.
The best we can do is to accept our past and move toward the future we want, grounded in an acceptance of who we are and where we’ve been.
An important note: Come as you are to see who you are and how you’re doing. Do not judge your experience of yourself as “positive” or “negative,” just observe and learn.