How Not to Climb

An open letter—a rant, really—to new climbing couples… (Warning: snark alert!)

Dear New Climber Couple, 🔗

I’m glad you’re psyched and excited to push yourselves to climb harder. Here’s the thing, though: climbing is hard, and it’s powerful. Maybe peak performance doesn’t matter to you, maybe it does. I couldn’t possibly know since I haven’t had anything resembling a conversation with you. But this is what I do know: you have to warm up. Whether you’re taking climbing seriously or not, if you don’t want to feel mentally and physically beat up, you have to start with what you called “the basics.” The best climbers in the world warm up their fingers and their muscles before they start working on their projects. Your fingers and muscles need waking up. They’re not ready to just jump on what you want to climb.

I’ve singled you out because I see you nearly every session and watching you climb pains me. I can’t help but wince every time you try new climbs. It’s clunky, it’s awkward, and it’s horrible to watch. Which brings me to my next point: do you realize that you’re shaped completely differently and because of that, you should climb differently? Just because someone tall can reach holds doesn’t mean that someone shorter should try and reach the same things. And maybe, just maybe, you should try things more than a couple times. Maybe—gasp—you should try to figure out what you’re doing wrong and how you’re supposed to do things right before throwing in the towel and letting yourselves get burned off climb after climb by people more experienced than you. You are letting your egos get in the way.

Open your eyes and really watch some of the better climbers around you. There’s a reason they’re better. It’s probably not that they’re stronger. They probably spend some time reflecting on how they’re doing and trying new ways to get better. They probably spend some time watching the people around them, trying out their sequences. They probably are just not as oblivious as you are. Learn to learn. Come back when you’re ready to listen—not to me—to your bodies.

Sincerely,

This Climber Girl

Changelog 🔗

• 2021-03-13: Edited to omit the repetitive use of “you guys.” Changed title “Dear New Climber Couple” to heading.
• 2017-04-05: Created.